For example, if an infant touched an oven door, the pain from this experience would quickly teach them that oven doors are dangerous and should be avoided in the future.
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Similarly, it may be that social situations which once posed us no fear were influenced in a similar way. For example, if someone felt embarrassed or humiliated in a previous social situation e. As a result they begin to fear and avoid them. Another theory suggests that some people have a thinking style that lends itself to developing social anxiety. For example, socially anxious people are more likely to predict that they will perform poorly in social situations.
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Socially anxious people also tend to hold negative beliefs about their ability in social situations. For example, they may believe they are boring or have nothing interesting to contribute. Of course, thinking in these ways can lead to high levels of social anxiety. It is also possible that people develop social anxiety because of evolutionary factors. To understand this, it is worth considering that humans are generally a sociable species who tend to thrive in the company of others. Because of this, it makes sense that people prefer to avoid upsetting others and ultimately being rejected.
It therefore seems plausible that socially anxious people are simply slightly over sensitive to being negatively evaluated due to the disadvantages this brings. This could explain why socially anxious people go out of their way not to offend others. It has also been suggested that social anxiety has familial ties.
In other words, if someone in your immediate family is socially anxious, there is a higher chance that you will have similar personality traits. It is therefore thought that our genetic make up plays a role in the levels of social anxiety we experience. People's unhelpful thoughts and predictions make it more difficult for them to overcome their social anxiety.
As discussed earlier, socially anxious people often hold unhelpful thoughts about themselves and their ability in social situations e. I'm dull; I'm weird. This of course lowers their confidence and makes it harder to become involved in social situations. This, in turn, means they rarely get the chance to test out their social skills and prove they can interact well.
Unhelpful thoughts also typically play a damaging role just prior to people entering social environments as they predict they will perform poorly e.
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I'll have nothing to say. Similarly, unhelpful thoughts influence people during social situations e. I'm making a fool of myself , as they assume they are not coming across well.
To make matters worse, after social situations, people often analyse their performance and assume they have performed poorly. When considering these factors, it is easy to see how unhelpful thoughts stop people overcoming their social anxiety.
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As mentioned earlier, socially anxious people tend avoid social contact whenever possible. If they cannot avoid it, they tend to try and escape it as quickly as possible. Although this is a very understandable way of coping with social anxiety, it is actually one of the main reasons that people find it hard to overcome.
This is because by avoiding social situations, people stop themselves having positive experiences that could disprove some of their unhelpful thoughts. Furthermore, the longer someone avoids a social situation, the more daunting it becomes and it is increasingly difficult to face. Often, the only time that socially anxious people feel comfortable in social settings, is when they use what is known as 'safety behaviour'.
Examples of 'safety behaviours' include: trying to stay in the background on social occasions; remaining quiet during group conversations; sticking closely besides those they know well; avoiding eye contact or drinking alcohol for extra courage. Basically, a 'safety behaviour' is anything people do to try and make it easier to cope in social situations. Although such safety behaviours help people feel slightly better at the time, they are actually unhelpful strategies in the longer term.
This is because, like avoidance, 'safety behaviours' stop people from having the opportunity to prove that they can cope well, without putting such precautions into place. Instead 'safety behaviours' allow people to put their successes down to other factors e. Similarly, by remaining quiet during conversations, they never have the opportunity to show that they would have coped well had they became more involved. As a result, people's confidence remains low and their social anxiety remains.
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A final point worth noting is that 'safety behaviours' can result in what is known as self fulfilling prophecies. For example, by staying quiet in social situations, people may come across as 'distant' and others may respond by making less of an effort. As a result, their beliefs that they can't mix well remain in place. People who are socially anxious often spend a lot of time concentrating on their own bodily sensations during social interactions. Unfortunately, this too plays a part in keeping social anxiety going. For example, people often spend time trying to judge whether they are sweating, stammering, shaking or blushing during social situations.
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Intimate Connections is a book meant for people struggling with shyness or loneliness. The author shares his own story of approaching women in the local park for an entire summer and getting rejected by every single one — ouch! Yet through the experience he overcame his shyness. The beginning of the book will teach you how to be happy on your own. Surprisingly, this is how you stop being needy and turning people off. The second half of the book, which tried to teach more practical social skills, I thought was only okay at best.
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I hope you find this list of books for social anxiety useful! Have you read any of these books? Did they help you? I study all areas of psychology, sharing what works and what doesn't for overcoming shyness and social anxiety. This program has received stunning reviews from psychologists and people like you.
Now it's my life's mission is to help 25, people get the confidence, friends and romantic partner you want! Thanks for this post! Could you by any chance make your program be available for purchase in Kindle? Great list especially those without social anxiety tag on them. I have read all of them……. Can you give names of some more books like this? It will be really helpful. You may also like. Sean Cooper I study all areas of psychology, sharing what works and what doesn't for overcoming shyness and social anxiety. Try to find someone who understands that anti-anxiety agents are not addictive to people with diagnosable anxiety disorders.
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In twenty years, we have never had even one patient who has moved up their dosage of an anti-anxiety agent once an adequate baseline is established as being effective. Social anxiety people can be helped by a low dose of an anti-anxiety agents there is a reason why we prefer a low dose of either lorazepam or clonazepam for this purpose. Cognitive-behavioral rational therapy is not difficult to do, and has not been seen this way by participants. The first factor in not complying with the therapy is that "I can't remember to do it every day" and "I have a hard time committing to something in which I don't see immediate results".
The psychologist or group leader should have time-tested solutions to these irrational arguments. Prognosis is markedly good. People completing CBT training report a high success rate, compared to control groups.